Wednesday, January 22, 2014

A Need to Express

I feel so raw after I write. Through the meat grinder my emotions fall into words. Have you ever loved something so much that every ounce of pain is worth the effort? With each sentence, elation and angst. But it comes so naturally.

By instinct it flows and gathers. A heartless sleeve, I leave mine on paper.

Much more versed at formulating thoughts into writing, my intentions are often misread through speech alone. My words are braver, more thoughtful and just. Everything I wish to be, and yet, everything that I truly am.

The chaos and stress swirl until inked, the author healed each time. All you can do is just put it out there and pray someone gains a new perspective.

Seeing it all in writing makes sense, a way to organize and codify. Like each dying breath, each word takes more away and leaves you more vulnerable. But you just cannot find the strength and desire to stop.

You bleed to heal like you write to survive. It is art, after all.  

I will continue to share too much of myself, shielded by the screen of my laptop. For, to me, to write is to breathe and I do not intend on denying myself that necessary function of life anytime soon.

Words never so true! 

Writing helps me work through things. With it all on paper I can see how the pieces fit. Until I let it out, it all bottles up inside of me. I put everything I have into my writing and I am blessed to have this outlet. 

Monday, January 20, 2014

How Awkward Turned to Beauty

I haven’t spent a great deal of time reminiscing on our first kiss and I hope that this fact doesn’t lean towards an assumption of its insignificance.  A broken family with a fleeting father can and does prompt an adolescence of fickle pickiness.  For the pain this caused, I do apologize time and time again.

For the Disney daydreamer I expected true love’s kiss at every encounter. I searched mercilessly for that impossible spark which in most cases was, in fact, nervousness.

I think back to that day, you were just a friend in my mind. The game player gave the hopelessly in love a chance. Thin lips, shaking breath, a bit too much saliva, the awkwardness of that time frame sure does have a sense of humor. Underwhelmed, you didn’t stand a chance.

For years the broken girl left you to dry while eagerly searching for the latest flame, a flicker of passion. All were short lived and painful, each time more broken.

Multiple times the battered needed mending and each time like an expected season; there was restoration and safety to be found in you. This could have gone on for forever.

Down the long and winding road of heart break and let down a light shown through the confused fog. Much to their surprise the wandering soul began to yearn for that awkward and almost completely aloof sense of security.

Looking back, it is clear how friendship grew to adoration as each day her confidence and self-assurance grew through you. The artless kiss became skillful and the partnership that was always there turned less into a healing act and instead into a love that neither imagined.

Life, as it turns out, has a sense of humor. That lack luster kiss has perhaps become the greatest memory of all, the start to a wonderful journey. And this Fairy Tale Princess has grasped that sparks are fleeting and only one thing remains, the growth of a true (love) friendship.

-To my adoring husband, from your ever-so-greatful wife. Thank you for rescuing me and breaking the cycle.